Three Ways To Go Gonzo

You’re in a street-side café in San Diego, California. The couple seated at the next table is breaking up.

           It was hot. Usually it isn’t but right then it was. Of course that might have something to do with my huge Gucci coat, and Miu Miu fur lined sandals which I’d worn to make a fashion statement. Turned out that there was only fashion, no statement. Nobody was looking at me, and that was adding to all that heat. And this cafe was bursting with people. People with unusually large baboon-like bums. Even thought I’m the only one on this table, seems like the whole cafe is just a one large buffet with people spilling on to one another. This lady is half on my lap already. I wouldn’t mind much. Being unusually good humored. But right now this little pin that I’d stuck in my Gucci collar has opened and is poking my neck.

           “You can’t do that. Not with that bitch. You leave me for a blonde? You insulting dog!” She screamed. Oh God, not her. The lady half-in-my-lap is screaming at this awkward looking guy. On a second note he’s not awkward, just flustered. 

   ” She’s not a blonde. She’s a brunette”, he stammers.

  “Oh I knew. I always knew that brunettes were husband stealing, thieving old shrews! Why do they even get born?”, She digs her elbow into my leg.

 “Aaaahh”, I scream, her elbow is made of pins.

“Whaaaat?” She barks at me.

“Nothing, nothing. You may proceed”,She gives me an evil eye.

” What is she? A waitress. Must be one of those waitresses you keep looking at you shit!”, She screams.

“No she’s  a bank manager”, The guy replies some what unsteadily.

“A bank ma-na-….. Money.So that’s what it is about”,She splutters and stamps her feet.

“Noooooooooo……..”, her high heel has struck my Miu Miu. Gone through my feet to the floor. I have a hole in my foot.And in my Miu Miu.

 I can’t think. There is just so much pain. Anna Kendrick is blaring “When I am gone” through the stereo. I am sinking to the floor. “You’re gonna miss me by my hair, your gonna miss me every where………you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone”.

 The pain has now subsided. A crowd has gathered around me. I look around for the couple. They’re  gone. And I probably have a stereo in my head. Because I don’t see one in the cafe. 

Weekly Writing Challenge

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Justin Bieber Launches Egg Attack! 20K in damages reported

    Brrr……its cold. Really really cold. What if an egg just flew in from the window and smashed on my face. No, wait a second. The window will have to be opened for that. And my window is shut (Looks up and checks). Yep, my window is very firmly shut. So firmly that…..Well if it’s shut so well,how in the heaven am I breathing? :O Okay my window is shut very firmly, but O2 is seeping in through the cracks which my eyes can not see. Not because my eyes aren’t good. Not at all. They’re very good. Actually the last time I checked, my speccies just had half an inch thick frames. Oh hell. I’m not supposed to talk about that. I’m supposed to talk about good ole justie baby. And how he launched an egg attack(Seriously, people launch rockets. And this guy goes ahead and launches an egg attack….A FREAKIN EGG ATTACK ?? (He could have used something he finds fancy like poo.Or maybe not). Turns out the the baby of many hearts  hurled eggs on one of his neighbor’s house and in turn got into a heated confrontation with the neighbor in fornt of his thirteen year old daughter. The Loss Angeles County Sherrif now sick and tired of Bieber making a mockery of Law may decide to press feloney charges against him. According to TMZ sources, Bieber’s attack costed $20 000 in damages. This case will also be referred to L.A County District attorney who could themn file vandalism charges against Bieber. Uptil now Bieber has not made any apology to the neighbors.

        Anyway turns out that Justie Baby is turning out to be Female Lady Gaga. I think his new name should be Justagaga, or biebigaga……Oh well, that’s for him to decide. He and the Gaga woman actually have a lot in common. Being *a lil different* is just one of them….The other similarities? I’ll discuss with ya’all in due time …..Till then, Astalavista! 🙂    (In response to Daily Post. The News was ripped off from HollywoodGossip.com)

506px-Justin_Bieber

As previously reported, the singer allegedly hurled eggs at the home of his neighbor on Thursday night, eventually getting into a heated confrontation with the man in front of his 13-year old daughter.

Insiders have since said that he Los Angeles Sheriff Department may pursue felony charges against Bieber because they have evidence of his crime this time around and they are sick of him making a mockery of the law.

– See more at: http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/#sthash.OiyjK6Cw.dpuf

Will the hammer of justice come down on Justin Bieber?

As previously reported, the singer allegedly hurled eggs at the home of his neighbor on Thursday night, eventually getting into a heated confrontation with the man in front of his 13-year old daughter.

Insiders have since said that he Los Angeles Sheriff Department may pursue felony charges against Bieber because they have evidence of his crime this time around and they are sick of him making a mockery of the law.

– See more at: http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/#sthash.OiyjK6Cw.dpuf

Will the hammer of justice come down on Justin Bieber?

As previously reported, the singer allegedly hurled eggs at the home of his neighbor on Thursday night, eventually getting into a heated confrontation with the man in front of his 13-year old daughter.

Insiders have since said that he Los Angeles Sheriff Department may pursue felony charges against Bieber because they have evidence of his crime this time around and they are sick of him making a mockery of the law.

– See more at: http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/#sthash.OiyjK6Cw.dpuf

Will the hammer of justice come down on Justin Bieber?

As previously reported, the singer allegedly hurled eggs at the home of his neighbor on Thursday night, eventually getting into a heated confrontation with the man in front of his 13-year old daughter.

Insiders have since said that he Los Angeles Sheriff Department may pursue felony charges against Bieber because they have evidence of his crime this time around and they are sick of him making a mockery of the law.

Justin Bieber in a Red Coat

In order to be charged with a felony in California, one must cause a minimum of $400 in damages.

So, according to TMZ sources, how much did Bieber and his egg attack create? $20,000 worth.

– See more at: http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/#sthash.OiyjK6Cw.dpuf

Will the hammer of justice come down on Justin Bieber?

As previously reported, the singer allegedly hurled eggs at the home of his neighbor on Thursday night, eventually getting into a heated confrontation with the man in front of his 13-year old daughter.

Insiders have since said that he Los Angeles Sheriff Department may pursue felony charges against Bieber because they have evidence of his crime this time around and they are sick of him making a mockery of the law.

Justin Bieber in a Red Coat

In order to be charged with a felony in California, one must cause a minimum of $400 in damages.

So, according to TMZ sources, how much did Bieber and his egg attack create? $20,000 worth.

– See more at: http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/#sthash.OiyjK6Cw.dpuf