Three Ways To Go Gonzo

You’re in a street-side café in San Diego, California. The couple seated at the next table is breaking up.

           It was hot. Usually it isn’t but right then it was. Of course that might have something to do with my huge Gucci coat, and Miu Miu fur lined sandals which I’d worn to make a fashion statement. Turned out that there was only fashion, no statement. Nobody was looking at me, and that was adding to all that heat. And this cafe was bursting with people. People with unusually large baboon-like bums. Even thought I’m the only one on this table, seems like the whole cafe is just a one large buffet with people spilling on to one another. This lady is half on my lap already. I wouldn’t mind much. Being unusually good humored. But right now this little pin that I’d stuck in my Gucci collar has opened and is poking my neck.

           “You can’t do that. Not with that bitch. You leave me for a blonde? You insulting dog!” She screamed. Oh God, not her. The lady half-in-my-lap is screaming at this awkward looking guy. On a second note he’s not awkward, just flustered. 

   ” She’s not a blonde. She’s a brunette”, he stammers.

  “Oh I knew. I always knew that brunettes were husband stealing, thieving old shrews! Why do they even get born?”, She digs her elbow into my leg.

 “Aaaahh”, I scream, her elbow is made of pins.

“Whaaaat?” She barks at me.

“Nothing, nothing. You may proceed”,She gives me an evil eye.

” What is she? A waitress. Must be one of those waitresses you keep looking at you shit!”, She screams.

“No she’s  a bank manager”, The guy replies some what unsteadily.

“A bank ma-na-….. Money.So that’s what it is about”,She splutters and stamps her feet.

“Noooooooooo……..”, her high heel has struck my Miu Miu. Gone through my feet to the floor. I have a hole in my foot.And in my Miu Miu.

 I can’t think. There is just so much pain. Anna Kendrick is blaring “When I am gone” through the stereo. I am sinking to the floor. “You’re gonna miss me by my hair, your gonna miss me every where………you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone”.

 The pain has now subsided. A crowd has gathered around me. I look around for the couple. They’re  gone. And I probably have a stereo in my head. Because I don’t see one in the cafe. 

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